This afternoon, I met with Dr. Burt of Northwestern Memorial Hospital. I was so nervous my heart started racing. In recounting my medical history, I wound up in tears. Not out of sadness, but fear. Fear that I’ve gone through twenty different doctors and now traveled 800 miles just to be told “No”. As I suspected, I am on the higher- or functioning- end of the CIDP spectrum. Make no mistake, I am far from “normal”, but the fact that I walked in there unassisted, with no cane or leg braces, is a positive sign. But at Dr. Burt’s making note of that, I broke out in tears.
“I’m only 31 and have a two year old… I can’t wait until I have no other choice! She deserves more. I want to fight this… now.”
Dr. Burt, who has some of the most piercingly blue eyes I’ve ever seen, stopped and looked up at me. He leaned over and touched my hand briefly, in a reassuring way. “Good. So do I.”
Paula, the amazingly kind nurse who’s had to put up with my whining for the past year and a half, grabbed a box of Kleenex and came closer to me.
While I wiped my tears and snot, I noticed the smear of black eyeliner and brown foundation on white tissue. Serves me right for trying to be cute and wear makeup. I smooshed the tissue into my palm.
Who were these people? They seem to genuinely care. Come to think of it, no one had been pushy or rude. Every single staff member had been warm. I did get a few comments on my “Joisey” accent (Look, no one would think I could be a voice double for J.Woww, but yeah, it’s there), but they were friendly. In fact, head scratchingly, one lady loved my voice! Ha!
I’ll be going back for various tests tomorrow and Friday, but I’m not dreading them so much anymore.
I’m feeling exceedingly thankful. But prayers are, of course, much appreciated.
On the ride from our hotel to the hospital, Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” came on. I just watched a documentary on him on Sunday, so the lyrics were very fresh.
As I gazed out at the blue, blue sky and the towering buildings that reached up to them, I mouthed the words, “Excuse me while I kiss the sky.”
No haze for me, just a bright horizon.