My palms from Sunday, twisted into a cross. Please note, I have no idea how to do this and just kept bending until I got this.
On Sunday at church, we read from Matthew 27. Verse 46 always breaks my heart:
About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
I thought of this verse when I read this post earlier by a recently widowed mother of two named Kimberli. She writes:
At the age of 29 my husband was diagnosed with cancer.
In the course of two years he was hospitalized 18 times.
He endured 14 brutal cycles of chemotherapy.
He spent more than 400 nights separated from his two children.
He experienced intense pain within his body.
He heard the words relapse four times.
He was told that he had weeks to live on more than one occasion.
At 30 years old he lost the ability to move his legs and his arms.
He developed a wound in the hospital that ultimately grew and infected his bone.
And on February 14th, 2017, at 31, he passed away.
And some may ask “Where was God when my spouse was dying?”
Where was God when the doctors told us that my husband had a tumor encasing all of the major organs in his chest?
Where was God when the doctors told us that my husband’s kidney function was only at 20%?
Where was God when the chemotherapy caused severe damage in my husband’s spine resulting in his paralysis?
Where was God when I found myself sitting across from the one I loved so much as he lay hooked up to a breathing machine?
Some ask this question in sincerity, others ask it in anger and still some ask this question as their proof that God doesn’t exist.
I am a 36 year old widow. I only had 7.5 years of marriage. I have a six year old son and five year old daughter who miss their dad. I am heartbroken. I am hurting. I miss my husband’s voice. I miss his touch. I miss seeing his face every night as I fall asleep. I miss talking to him on a daily basis. I miss hearing him say “Good morning, Beautiful,” as we wake up each morning. I miss seeing him interact with his children. I miss everything about him.
But I can confidently say, that God was there when my husband was dying.
Some don’t understand how a loving God could allow a 31 year old to die. They don’t understand how a loving God could allow someone to endure the pain of cancer only to let them die. They don’t understand how a loving God could allow a wife to bury her husband and children to grow up with out a father.
There are some things in life we will never understand. But that doesn’t mean that God isn’t loving. It doesn’t mean that God isn’t in control. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist.
When we look at individuals in the Bible we see individuals who experienced pain. David endured the wilderness. Joseph was imprisoned. Esther was married to a ruthless king. The prophets were hated. The disciples were persecuted. Moses was talked about.
But there was a purpose in their pain.
Please do read the whole thing. And please keep her and her beautiful son and daughter in your prayers.